26 February 2015
This uni gig
I got a date for my diary last week.
The 23rd of May.
The day I finish my degree.
It's a weird thought. I remember when I first arrived in Durham those finalists told me how the time would fly by. I didn't believe them. But here I am, on the downhill slope and my word how it has gone quickly! It feels like yesterday I was packing up to head up North or just a minute ago my friends and I were living together in our little house.
Three years has rushed by in great dollops, those red letter moments characterising the years.
Elise Blaha wrote a post the other day about how she doesn't feel any different the older she gets.
It really resonated with me because I feel just like that.
I remember getting to Durham and looking up at the Third years with respect and admiration. There they were, writing dissertations, applying to jobs, a few of them engaged. At the time I just accepted it. I saw them as the grown ups with nearly three years of university life on their shoulders.
But now I'm there, in the same position and I feel, just like me.
Just like the 'me' who arrived in Durham in 2012. Sure, I have learnt a lot and grown up in many ways but I don't feel like an 'adult'.
And I wonder if I ever will feel like an adult?
Today I took a step back and looked at where I am now. I'm writing possibly the longest piece of work I will ever turn in at university. I have a position on a course next year which will train me for a job. I have a long term boyfriend who is coming to join me here in the next year.
That sounds very grown up.
But I don't feel it. It feels like a game. Like we used to play make believe when we were little.
It makes me smile really.
We look up to those who are that step further down the 'life landmarks' than us and think they know it all. Or I do at least.
Now i'm here, i'm not so sure. And I think that's nice in a way. That we (or maybe just me) are muddling through in our own merry way, acting out this 'adult' thing and really just feeling like 'us'.
So tell me, is it just me or do you not feel like an 'adult' yourself? Does that feeling ever change? Discuss!